Plentoffish discussion: Do gay older younger relationships work?

17 Aug

I came across this post on Plentoffish.com:

he message you are replying to:
Posted By: davidcassidy on 3/4/2007 10:10:05 AM
Subject: do gay older younger relationships work?
Message: I would like to know your opinion as I have had my heart broken by a guy too young for me (i know that in my heart of hearts) as tweenty plus age gap and he not even 20.
I just miss him and the friendship and chats we use to have. Its not the sex or adulation either. I have lived a very sedate life and not ventured on the scene as such. He just seemed to be my kindred spirit and I could and I though he could to chat about everything.
It lasted 1 year and then he just ditched me over something so trivial it does not worth mentioning. I begged him to retain friendship but he has refused even that. I was his first, and I guess he thought he was in love.
I miss and love him so much even though he cut all ties 5 months ago. I guess there is knowing going back I would be only too happy to have contnued as a friend its what I do best. London is not a good place to be gay if you are not out and about, I have found few genuine people and of course this boy was based outside London.
I say boy as that is what he is but so mature in all he said and outlook I wish we could of met and the years be even. I built hime up and I have been left low and deflated but I should of known and not got so attached. Mid life crisis who knows but I have never felt about anyone as I did him .

*****

Of course I had to give the guy my two cents and here’s what I wrote:

You left out why he stormed out and has since cut off all ties. You said: ‘It lasted 1 year and then he just ditched me over something so trivial it does not worth mentioning.’ Maybe it was a big deal to him. Sometimes when someone finds themselves dating younger they tend to think that they’re on the same page… mentally. Life experience – the most important ingredient to any relationship, and to a healthy adult – is what happened here but it wasn’t HIS lack of it but yours. You said it as clear as day: His problem wasn’t worth mentioning. You blew off the issue as if it didn’t matter. It did matter…TO HIM! Whether he’s 16, 19 or 34 the guy had the right to be heard, had the right to bring the issue up and discuss. You, it seems, were only thinking of yourself and as a result suffer the loneliness your deserve.

It’s hard medicine but my opinion. The guy (the younger one) wanted to be with you hence why it lasted a year. Maybe if you were more attentive to his feelings (remember, you’re the one with the life experience and could have offered more guidance) it would have lasted longer. But, as the old saying goes: People come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Take this relationship as the learning experience it was meant to be: if you love him, listen to him. If you care, do something that shows it. And be honest to yourself and that special guy.

P.S. To all the douche bags leaving stupid comments about how wrong it is to love someone younger listen up! Age, whether you’re 16 or 46, doesn’t automatically give you the right to be right. In most cases, the older we get the dumber we become. Also, maybe this relationship was a healthy one – for a while. I have a lot of friends where the age gap is 12 years to 15 years. Personally I’ve dated guys 10 years younger than myself and 20 years older… each relationship was special and beautiful and worth being part of… no regrets and only happy memories!

Please post your comments and opinions about age gaps in relationship. Does it matter how old the person is? You can also post your comment on Phunkybrat Facebook group page.

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